Other

Being honest

Hello world,

This is not a post about being honest. Well, in a way it sorta is. It’s about me being honest with you guys, but that’s too long for a title, don’t you think?

This post is really hard for me, and I know some people will judge me, some people will be like, what? and others, I hope the majority of you, will accept me. If you know me, and who I am, in the real world, then this stays secret. You don’t tell anyone. I’m only saying this on my blog, because it’s anonymous, and those who know me in real life, and who know it’s me on this blog, well, I trust them.

I just read Ambi’s post, about being gay. Go read it. Please. Although I haven’t come out to the real world yet, it scares me. No, it terrifies me. I cry at night because I wish that I wasn’t who I am. But I am. And, try as I might, there’s nothing I can do about it. I know, at some point, I’ll have to come out to my parents, and society. But how can I do that if right now, I’m afraid to say the words ‘I’m bisexual’? Someone help me. Please. Someone who knows what I’m going through. Who knows just how hard it is.

There’s an LGBT club at school. Yes, you say, that will help you. Well, it would, if it wasn’t from Years 9-13. I’m Year 8, by the way. I don’t understand. Why can’t it be for all ages? Are we not supposed to know yet?

Someone who I told, who I trusted enough with this secret, turned out to be homophobic. That, I thought, was the worst moment of my life. When I realised that people weren’t going to be supportive. People weren’t going to help me. No. That wasn’t the worst moment. The worst moment was when she spread a rumour about me asking someone out. I didn’t, in case you were wondering. I didn’t ask her out. People believed this rumour. I didn’t realise, but it’s been going round since about a week after I first told her. And people believed it. People are avoiding me, in my own class, because they heard a false rumour from one of their friends. And I shouldn’t be avoided because of that anyway.

Just someone please help me deal with coming out, the homophobia, all of that. I really need someone. Please.

pixiecake xxx

P.S I didn’t post this because of what anyone said to me. To most of you, that probably won’t mean anything. But to some, it will. I posted this because I wanted you to know the truth.

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If Anyone Asks

Hello world,

Today I thought I’d write a poem. Wow, great intro. I’m so good at this😳😊.

If anyone asks,

I’m okay.

Just staring out the window,

Trying to enjoy my day.

If anyone asks.

If anyone asks,

I’ll get better.

I promised you, and I promise again,

My mood is just getting wetter.

If anyone asks.

If anyone asks,

I am thinking.

About what would happen

If the world stopped spinning.

If anyone asks.

If anyone asks why I’m crying,

I’m crying for you, for me, for the world.

Because you, and me, and the world; we’re all dying.

If anyone asks.

So um, yeah. That’s it. Not particularly good, but all my own work. That was harder than I thought. I’m sorry for the negative meaning behind that poem, but, y’know,  I tried.

pixiecake xxx

 

Lifestyle, Rambles, Rants

“Nobody likes a really negative person”

Hello world,

I just wanted to apologise for the amount of depressing posts; I promise there will be more uplifting ones soon!

Earlier today, I was arguing with someone (again) and then out of nowhere, someone else (I’m not going to mention names because she would literally kill me) joins in. But she never actually joined in. She looked at me and said:

“Nobody likes a really negative person.”

Like, okay? How am I meant to respond to that? I get that it’s a really pointed comment because I’m depressed and all, but really? You’re actually going to go so far as to say that BECAUSE I’m depressed, no one is going to like me? I have friends thank you very much. Although I’m here pointing out the flaws in this sentence, it actually really hurt me. Okay, I get you don’t like me, I get you don’t understand me, but really? That’s just straight up mean. And if it wasn’t aimed at me, why  would she have said it?

Basically this was to say that things you do and say have a consequence. Everything does. But that comment hurt me, and I’m pretty sure it would hurt anyone. If your goal in life is to go round hurting people, then go say that to everyone.

I’m sorry if you think I’m completely overdramatising this, but it’s my opinion. Feel free to comment yours!

Love you!

pixiecake xxx

PS. I doubt but you really care😂 but I’m not doing a favourites post this month because I like basically the same stuff I did last month😂😁.