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Being honest

Hello world,

This is not a post about being honest. Well, in a way it sorta is. It’s about me being honest with you guys, but that’s too long for a title, don’t you think?

This post is really hard for me, and I know some people will judge me, some people will be like, what? and others, I hope the majority of you, will accept me. If you know me, and who I am, in the real world, then this stays secret. You don’t tell anyone. I’m only saying this on my blog, because it’s anonymous, and those who know me in real life, and who know it’s me on this blog, well, I trust them.

I just read Ambi’s post, about being gay. Go read it. Please. Although I haven’t come out to the real world yet, it scares me. No, it terrifies me. I cry at night because I wish that I wasn’t who I am. But I am. And, try as I might, there’s nothing I can do about it. I know, at some point, I’ll have to come out to my parents, and society. But how can I do that if right now, I’m afraid to say the words ‘I’m bisexual’? Someone help me. Please. Someone who knows what I’m going through. Who knows just how hard it is.

There’s an LGBT club at school. Yes, you say, that will help you. Well, it would, if it wasn’t from Years 9-13. I’m Year 8, by the way. I don’t understand. Why can’t it be for all ages? Are we not supposed to know yet?

Someone who I told, who I trusted enough with this secret, turned out to be homophobic. That, I thought, was the worst moment of my life. When I realised that people weren’t going to be supportive. People weren’t going to help me. No. That wasn’t the worst moment. The worst moment was when she spread a rumour about me asking someone out. I didn’t, in case you were wondering. I didn’t ask her out. People believed this rumour. I didn’t realise, but it’s been going round since about a week after I first told her. And people believed it. People are avoiding me, in my own class, because they heard a false rumour from one of their friends. And I shouldn’t be avoided because of that anyway.

Just someone please help me deal with coming out, the homophobia, all of that. I really need someone. Please.

pixiecake xxx

P.S I didn’t post this because of what anyone said to me. To most of you, that probably won’t mean anything. But to some, it will. I posted this because I wanted you to know the truth.

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22 thoughts on “Being honest”

  1. Firstly, I didn’t spread a rumour. Secondly, I’m not homophobic, I just don’t like it when it concerns me – something that you did not explain in this post. And most people don’t even know about the rumour.

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  2. Aww pixie, this doesn’t change you as a person- we all love you, and nothing will change. It can be hard, but you aren’t alone. it takes a while, but you won’t regret it. Go to people you trust most if you are up to it. Rumours will go away. People should be busy with their lives- trust me, I have been in a situation with nasty rumours and gossip, but as bad as it may seem i promise you that it will go away. To the people that are avoiding you, they were never your friends, and they aren’t nice to judge- fools for believing/spreading rumours like that. It’s best off if they stay off your route for a while.

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  3. I do understand u. I have a sister-in-law who’s gay and has a bro (my husband) who is the most homophobic person alive — or so she thinks. In reality, my husband loves her so much and he accepts her whoheartedly, he’s just too new to the idea and does not know how to properly react so he sends this stupid signal similar to homophobia.

    Try to speak with your person again and it’ll be easier if you level with them cuz you may be undergoing something so lifechanging but they’re startled by your revelation so they wont know how to react.

    I respect you soooo much for opening up. You are brave! I personally dont think theres something political about starting the club for 9th graders. I guess it’s basically bcz 8th graders are generally still young, not necessarily bcz it’s LGBT, dont worry, 1 more yr and you’re in! For the mean time, you can settle with your blog buddies, we are here for you 🤗♥️💋

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  4. I hate the term comming out because I feel like gays or bi etc.. shouldn’t be feeling the need to come out . They should be just proud of who they are from the start and flaunt their fabulousness . But of course in this society , it is very difficult for many people to be proud of who they are because this is the era of judment and people can be really ugly online and in real life . Of course I don’t know what it feels like but I want you to know that you’e worth it and you’re beautiful inside and out . Even you being honest and open about it shows you’re a really great person and I really hope whatever you’re going trough , you know that. I’m sorry about what the girl did to you . That was really nasty of her and I hate people like that .
    I know we haven’t really known each other for that long but this just makes me want to get to know you more because to me you seem like a truly amazing person . I ACCEPT YOU . I FUCKING ACCEPT YOU !
    And I know this is random but there’s this youtuber that I absolutely adore called lohanthony .
    I just feel like he’s someone you can look up too and feel connected and inspired by because he doesn’t appologize for being gay at all . IN fact he flaunts it and I just love love him for that . It was the reason I followed him in the first place and I feel like he will really help you out figure somethings out .
    I’m sorry I couldn’t personally relate to this on the same level you feel but know that I am here if you want to talk. You have us here in the blogging community to support you and we would never judge you based on who you are because it’s not a bad thing . It’s not a fucking sin and I really hope you know that. Don’t feel ashamed or bad about who you are because IT”S NOT YOUR FAULT.
    I hope in time , you accept yourself more and embrace your fabulousness because you’re Amazing Ok?
    lots of love and hugs ,
    Your blogging friend
    Ayele.

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  5. You should never be ashamed of who you are your perfect the way you are and if people can’t accept that then are they really good people and do they really care about you.Its a shame we still live in a world where we have to be afraid of our sexuality etc. You
    shouldn’t have to be afraid as most people are accepting. We all are and it doesn’t make me look at you any different,:) xxx

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  6. Wow I hadn’t read this post yet! You are wonderful and I don’t care if you like girls or boys or both… It’s about who you are as a person. And you will be confident enough in a while to tell it to everyone, don’t worry about that! ♥

    Liked by 1 person

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