Other

Life update

Hello world,

Much like Kylie Jenner said about last year, this year has been the year for realising things.

Number 1: I’m straight. Yes I know, I came out as bi whole drama thing yeah I’m aware, but I realised I’m straight. I’m not dating that girl anymore, obviously and I’m sorry if she’s reading this (probably not) but I don’t wanna have drama anymore :)). I’m straight, I did semi (unofficially) date a guy and yeah I’m happy. God this is so cringy.

Number 2: I’m not gonna continue this blog. This will probably be my last ever blog post and it’s so fucking cringy oh my lord😂😂.

Number 3: My last post was in march, what like seven months ago? And it was so different and I read all of them today oh my god😂😂I’m so cringyyyy.

Number 4: Your real friends might not be who you think they are. It’d take too long to explain this one tbh and honestly I cba no ones gonna read this anyways.

Okay that’s it love you all buh byeeee

liv xxx

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I’ve Grown

Hello world,

I was reading some of my previous posts as I was deleting them, and I’ve grown so much. In the literal sense aswell of course (I’m now average height!!!) , but mainly in that I’m so different now. Reading them makes me cringe, but the Being Honest post made me cry. Honestly, I don’t know why. Maybe because I can relate now? I don’t know. 

Don’t you just hate rumours? People think it’s okay to talk about you when what they’re talking about – it’s none of their fucking business. 

Sorry, I just needed to let that out. Anyway, I’ve grown so much. I feel like I blog so differently now to then, and I don’t know if you guys notice it. I feel like I’m a completely different person, maybe it’s because I’ve stopped trying to impress you guys and I’ve started blogging for me, and not for followers. That was a dumb idea, young(er) Liv. I kinda want to start another blog, a different one but then again I don’t. I’m just a bit confused, overwhelmed right now if I’m honest – it’s all just a bit much really. 

I know I said I’d stick with blogging, and I will but I might be a bit distant – something came up today and I need time to figure this all out. I’m sorry. I’ll still blog frequently, or I’ll try, but yeah, I might be a bit distant. 

Anyway, sorry.

Lots of love,

Liv xxx

Other

Restarting.

Hello world,

I have decided to delete all my posts and start blogging fresh, with nothing that I’ve blogged about before. I will be keeping a few of my posts, ones that I do actually quite like, but I’m going to be deleting most of them. 

Sorry,

Lots of love,

Liv xxx

Other

Dear Future Me Tag (Response)

Hello world,

Yes, I know it’s late, I think I explained why in my last post. For anyone who hasn’t read my last one, this one will make absolutely no sense so it’s linked here. So, here’s my response:

Dear past me,

Well, it would be 24 February 2017 if I wasn’t such a shitty blogger. Last year, wow. I was so different! It’s not after 10pm, rules are still the same with the old parents, it’s 20:15! 

Indeed I am, and yes I am actually aware of this, so thank you. Yes, I do realise this, thank you SO MUCH for reminding me! Year 9s not BAD, per se, but it’s not exactly great. I miss year 8, to be honest. Too. Much. Fucking. Work. No, but hey! You bitch! No, I have a girlfriend, you innocent little thing.

No detentions, apart from that one where I went along to my friends and she gave me a detention because (and I quote) “why not?”. Warning sticker, maybe 5 or 6 this year, I can’t really remember. But come on, I got at least 13 in year 7. Am I more confident? Well. *takes deep breath* that depends on what you mean by confident. Am I outgoing? No. Hell no. Am I happier with what I look like? Mostly. I think so, anyways. I have good days and bad days, like most people. Yes, I have. Well, I don’t want to commit suicide anymore, which is great, but I haven’t necessarily stopped punishing myself. YES! ACTUALLY I HAVE! Unicorns are still great, obviously, but I’m not OBSESSED. 

Hobbies, umm, does Supernatural count as a hobby? Netflix? No but seriously, trampolining? Gymnastics? No, I quit piano in January, right after my grade 3. My enrichment courses are pretty good, other than music, in which I have to socialise. I’m still learning French and Spanish, and I taught myself a bit of German aswell. Also English (goddamn girl you’re fucking psychic). Thank you, and ITS NOT TIME YETT WHY DO YOU THINK ITS LIKE GOD KNOWS WHAT HOUR OF THE MORNING! Not that you’re going to reply to that, but anyway. And excuse me, teachers haven’t yelled at me that much! Byeee!

Lots of love,

Liv xxx


Well that was nostalgia-filled. I’m thinking of writing another one for me to answer this time next year. Hmm. 

Lots of love,

Liv xxx

Other

I’m Back For Good (I Hope)

Hello world,

So basically I’ve been banned from my phone and iPad for 2 weeks (this was a week and a half ago) so I haven’t been able to blog, this also meant I missed my Dear Future Me tag, so I was actually really upset about that.

Also I’m not meant to be doing this, so if I’m caught yeah basically I’m screwed.

 

A lot has happened since I was last on here. Good things: I’m dating someone. This happened on Valentine’s Day (you think it’s cliché, right, but to be honest our relationship is anything but cliché😂). I’m happy to be back blogging, it honestly makes me really happy doing this. I’m out of a kinda toxic friendship, which I’m so proud of myself for.

Bad things: Today, I was diagnosed with anxiety, and she (she being the lady I went to see) wants to give me a CAMHS referral. For anyone that doesn’t know, it would take way too long to explain so here is the link.

I’m probably going to be blogging about kinda different things, and I’m thinking about changing my name, as I started this over a year ago, and to be honest it kinda sounds babyish now. So, if you see a blog you don’t recognise in your feed, it’s probably me.

I’m sorry about blogmas, I know I said I’d do it, and I feel really bad, but I was, um, preoccupied, and I just didn’t have time, I’m really sorry.

So, how are you all? I will be doing the response to the Dear Future Me Tag in my next post, so don’t worry (but you probably weren’t anyway).

I hope you’re all doing well, and I hope I’ll keep blogging from now on!

Lots of love,

Liv xxx

(that’s my real name, I’m going to be signing off as that until I can come up with a better name for my blog – ideas are welcome!)

Lifestyle, Rambles

Anti-Homophobia/Biphobia/Transphobia Day

Hello world,

Yeeees I knoooow I haven’t blogged in aaaaggggeees. Sorryyyy. Anyway.

Yesterday (17th May) was international anti homophobia/biphobia/transphobia day. I didn’t realise until yesterday evening, when I wasn’t meant to be on my phone, so I couldn’t blog about it, but here I am today! This really excited me, because I was like oh my god there is a day against people who are against me and like yesssssss! So you can find out all about IDAHOT (to be honest I’m not really sure what that stands for but oh well) here, and oh that was stupid of me. It stands for International Day Against Homophobia oh wait no it doesn’t. Aaarrrgggghhhh. Okay the exams destroyed my brain.

IM GETTING OFF TOPIC SOMEONE HELP ME.

Anyway. Prepare for a VERY long ramble. This is what I have to say about homophobes.

I don’t understand. Why can’t people love each other, even if they are the same gender? Love is love, right? And as for transphobia, what is so wrong about being yourself? Because of all of you against LGBT people, 44% of us have considered suicide. Including me. 41% of transgender people attempt suicide. Everyone always tells us to be ourselves, to be confident with who we are. Everyone who is LGBT is trying to be themselves, like you all told us to. But no, people don’t seem to like that. Between 10 and 20% of LGB people (no I didn’t miss off a T) attempt suicide. These percentages are staggering, compared to the heterosexual (straight) suicide rates, which are (I couldn’t find a percentage) roughly 500,000 a year (in America). LGBT people are more likely to report high levels of drug and alcohol abuse. And this is mostly because of bullying and teasing from homophobic people. LGBT people are more than twice as likely as their heterosexual peers to commit suicide, and more attempts are therefore successful.

So after all that, homophobes, can you see how much you’re affecting people’s lives? It’s hard enough for them without you, but you’re just there making their lives so much worse.

I know that people in my school avoid me (I’m assuming it’s because I’m bi, and not because I’m just generally a bitch) and yeah, okay, I’ll admit it. It hurts. But I don’t really care what you think of me. I am who I am. I don’t wake up every morning to impress you. I can’t help being me, okay? WE DON’T CHOOSE TO BE LGBT. WHY THE HELL WOULD WE DO THAT? We don’t wake up one morning and be like hey, I’m gonna have a crush on someone of the same gender as me today. No.

Okay enough. I’m just gonna end up making you think way too hard and then your head might explode and I don’t want that happening, but just so you know yes I would come to your funeral.

Lots of love,

pixiecake xxx

Other

31 ways English people say it’s raining

Hello world,

This has been in my draft for ages, and I’m really tired and I was just looking through my drafts hoping somewhere there was a halfway decent post. And there was (I think.), so here we go! 31 ways English people say it’s raining.

  1. It’s raining (how inventive)
  2. It’s pouring (and the old man is snoring. Please say someone understands that)
  3. It’s absolutely tipping it down.
  4. What a fine day it is today.
  5. The clouds are crying.
  6. God is crying.
  7. I blame bad people for the weather.
  8. Uuuugggghhhh.
  9. I was going to go shopping today…
  10. It’s wet outside.
  11. Plip plop plip plop. (You have to say this whilst looking out the window or people might think you’re weird and call the police)
  12. *goes outside* I’M SINGING IN THE RAIN. JUST SINGING IN THE RAIN! WHAT A GLORIOUS FEELING I’M HAPPY AGAIN.
  13. Can we watch TV now?
  14. It may or may not be raining outside.
  15. Would you like to go for a walk?
  16. Oooooohh rainbows.
  17. WHY ARENT THERE RAINBOWS?
  18. Do you think I could go outside?
  19.  It’s tippling it down (yes, some people actually use this)
  20. It’s raining cats and dogs.
  21. It’s pelting it down
  22. It’s luttering it down
  23. It’s siling it down
  24. It’s plothering it down
  25. It’s raining stair-rods (to be honest I’m not entirely sure what a stair-rod is but I’ve heard it being used, so….)
  26. It’s raining chair legs (um okay)
  27. It’s raining like a cow relieving itself (yes I know I know it’s very weird but believe it or not I have heard it being used. Apparently it comes from French (il pleut comme vache qui pisse) That’s what I learned when I questioned that person about it. Still, there are no excuses. )
  28. It’s chucking it down.
  29. It’s raining old women. (Very sexist.)
  30. It’s raining pocket knives (Portuguese)
  31. It’s raining frogs’ beards (also Portuguese)

Aaaaaannnnnddd there we go. That was so much harder than I expected.

Anyway,

Love you all!

Bye,

pixiecake xxx

Other

What do YOU want?

Hello world,

This is really beginning to frustrate me. I haven’t posted in 2 days, I have NO IDEA what to post, or how to word it, I have WAYYYYY too much homework that I haven’t even started yet, my exams start in 3 weeks and I haven’t done any revision, and I’m soooooo stressed.

I have about 70 (okay no, more like 7) posts in my draft which I’ve started and gone, actually, nah that’s crap.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I HAVE NO INSPIRATION TO DO ANYTHING.

Okay so anyway please can someone comment what they would like me to post. If you comment I’ll link you in the post 😊😈.

Is that bribery?

Anyway, sorry for the short post. I have to go do homework, and then trampolining, and then other shit like that. Homework I mean. Not trampolining. I love trampolining. Okay that’s off topic.

Oh my god my brain is dying.

Lots of love (the love is to make up for my crappy post)

pixiecake xxx

Other

Being honest

Hello world,

This is not a post about being honest. Well, in a way it sorta is. It’s about me being honest with you guys, but that’s too long for a title, don’t you think?

This post is really hard for me, and I know some people will judge me, some people will be like, what? and others, I hope the majority of you, will accept me. If you know me, and who I am, in the real world, then this stays secret. You don’t tell anyone. I’m only saying this on my blog, because it’s anonymous, and those who know me in real life, and who know it’s me on this blog, well, I trust them.

I just read Ambi’s post, about being gay. Go read it. Please. Although I haven’t come out to the real world yet, it scares me. No, it terrifies me. I cry at night because I wish that I wasn’t who I am. But I am. And, try as I might, there’s nothing I can do about it. I know, at some point, I’ll have to come out to my parents, and society. But how can I do that if right now, I’m afraid to say the words ‘I’m bisexual’? Someone help me. Please. Someone who knows what I’m going through. Who knows just how hard it is.

There’s an LGBT club at school. Yes, you say, that will help you. Well, it would, if it wasn’t from Years 9-13. I’m Year 8, by the way. I don’t understand. Why can’t it be for all ages? Are we not supposed to know yet?

Someone who I told, who I trusted enough with this secret, turned out to be homophobic. That, I thought, was the worst moment of my life. When I realised that people weren’t going to be supportive. People weren’t going to help me. No. That wasn’t the worst moment. The worst moment was when she spread a rumour about me asking someone out. I didn’t, in case you were wondering. I didn’t ask her out. People believed this rumour. I didn’t realise, but it’s been going round since about a week after I first told her. And people believed it. People are avoiding me, in my own class, because they heard a false rumour from one of their friends. And I shouldn’t be avoided because of that anyway.

Just someone please help me deal with coming out, the homophobia, all of that. I really need someone. Please.

pixiecake xxx

P.S I didn’t post this because of what anyone said to me. To most of you, that probably won’t mean anything. But to some, it will. I posted this because I wanted you to know the truth.

Other

If Anyone Asks

Hello world,

Today I thought I’d write a poem. Wow, great intro. I’m so good at this😳😊.

If anyone asks,

I’m okay.

Just staring out the window,

Trying to enjoy my day.

If anyone asks.

If anyone asks,

I’ll get better.

I promised you, and I promise again,

My mood is just getting wetter.

If anyone asks.

If anyone asks,

I am thinking.

About what would happen

If the world stopped spinning.

If anyone asks.

If anyone asks why I’m crying,

I’m crying for you, for me, for the world.

Because you, and me, and the world; we’re all dying.

If anyone asks.

So um, yeah. That’s it. Not particularly good, but all my own work. That was harder than I thought. I’m sorry for the negative meaning behind that poem, but, y’know,  I tried.

pixiecake xxx